Untitled...

Many titles enter my head at many moments but I forget them, so I'm calling this untitled as it may be quite random and go off the topics, my mind is chaos, I forget a lot, I always say its old age but in truth its the stress and the hurt and the pain that is eating away at me.
You kept asking me why I am so quiet, lets have a conversation, I seem so distant. Well open your eyes! I have longed to converse so many times only to be shunted aside, I dare not say much as its always the wrong thing that leads to you whining and shouting at me, so I ask, what is the point? Now? After 11 months??
You are so attached to your phone, guarding it like a pittbull, so afraid I may see your hidden secrets, your world, reality now is, I don't give a flying fuck, the damage is done, the trust is gone.
In my mind you have not quit your disgusting hurtful habit and in hurting me so badly I have faded therefore the hunger for you to continue most likely remains.

I forgave the 1st time, the 2nd time, but how many times must you hurt me, how many times am I expected to forgive!

You say you are trying, how I ask myself? You don't care to know me, I won't let you in my head, in your eyes I am immature, you never take me seriously.
I am alone, I have nobody, its just me and my mind.
My kids can't wait to be with their dad again this weekend, I can't wait either, I can't be a good mom now, I am empty, I am nothing, everything is just going past me, all the people with their wonderful lives and happy events.

I have no life, I'm most free to be me when I am work, I go home to face the lies, wash, clean, and deal with certain irritations, keep it all in, tightly locked in, I am not free to me.
I am the quiet one with a world of conversations in my head and I let a small piece out here in blog land...

My one wish is just for total honesty from you, I still haven't had an answer from you as to why you did what you did to destroy my heart!

Anyway, that's my thoughts for now.