Go grab yourself a large cup of coffee, a snack and have a comfy seat, this is going to be a long story and in the end you judge for yourself how psycho I really am. All contents will be the truth as I know it to be:
Friday - 26 July 2013
He was away from home with work (5 hour drive away), his cell had been cut off by subscriber and we still had alot of tension between us. He would communicate by sending me fb messages with his ipad. Also send me requests for me to phone him. Now keep in mind, he has let me down many times and I really just didn't want to talk to him as its all about him.
I had an awful day at work that day, nobody to talk to, he has no interest in what I have to say.
I got home, had a pleasant evening by myself... He sent a message at 7pm to say he was leaving.
I went to bed around 10.
He got home around midnight, whispered he's home. He got into bed a few minutes later. He then pushed his arm under my pillows, woke me up and said he's home.
I said ok and tried to sleep again. He shot up, yanked the duvet off the bed, switched the bright bedroom light on and shouted why don't I welcome him home, why didn't I stay up and worry??? (why didn't I stay up and worry? well, I cared too much and worried too much before, for what?) I shot up, shouted at him that I hate him and I am so sorry for not having a welcome home banner for him.
You see, if he showed any interest in my life, he would know that I don't get much sleep and waiting until the morning wouldn't have got us where we are today.
Yes I threw a plastic ashtray down the passage as he was walking out, I did not intentionally aim it at him, yet he threw it back at me.
He slammed and punched the bedroom and bathroom doors.
I sat huddled in the bathroom, petrified.
All was quiet so I went back to bed for a very restless night.
Saturday - 27 July 2013
I went to work, managed to compose myself the entire day. Fetched my kids from the ex husband and went home (I refer to home as the house, a home is a happy place, this is just a house of misery).
We had the afternoon to ourselves, he was vising friends with his daughter.
He got home, the mood was dull and he asked me if I wanted supper, I said no thank you. If he offered me coffee, I would say no thank you.
Well, that was the wrong thing to say and I got shouted at yet again.
(I can't eat or drink when my tummy is in a huge knot from all the abusive shouting).
The rest of the evening is fuzzy....
Sunday - 28 July 2013
Woke up, sorted kids and cleaned house etc. More fighting. He spent many hours outside with his car (relief, some peace and quiet).
Then he came inside and asked what should we have for lunch, I tried to say there are sausages in fridge but was overpowered by his voice and the shouting, more shouting...
He took his daughter with him to the shop (I told my daughter she is not to ride in a car with this angry man). He asked me if I wanted lunch, yet again I refused. He asked me if I will ever eat again, I said no, hopefully I will die of starvation. he mumbled to the kids about me.
Anyway, later that afternoon he left to take his daughter home to his ex wife.
He returned 3 hours later, claimed he had met his brother there.
Monday - 29 July to Wednesday 31 July 2013
Things are strained, my cat has been missing since Sunday, I am devastated. I think all his shouting and banging of doors has scared her away. I'm beyond heart-broken, I really hope she does return. I can't deal with loss.
Last night he went to fetch his scooter from the car place where he had left it for a few days. His ipad was there. Well, he said he has nothing to hide so I decided to look...
He had sent his ex wife some messages about me, smirking behind my back, sending her kisses and hearts too, I mean WTF, is that normal...Geez, that's why my ex husband and I are divorced, no kisses or hearts...
So I confronted him and basically told him to go fuck his wife. I mean I was angry!
Well, more shouting and door slamming...
My poor kids, it kills me to see them see him verbally abusing me.
Thursday - 1 August 2013
Things were semi quiet, its a strain being around him, sends cold shivers down my spine, makes me feel so nauseous, no hot water for kids to bath in as neighbour used it all, that already pissed me off. My cat is still missing since Sunday....
He went to the garage to buy smokes, left the dreaded cell phone behind, I had a look....
His one blonde bimbo friend and him had been conversing, laughing behind my back, more lies, saying to her my love and sending her this: (*)(*) which we know means boobs!
Confronted him, he lost it, made sure to tell me what a fuck up I am. Apparently its normal to chat to friends like in a flirtatious way, even your ex because he was raised in a very loving family and that's how he is...
WTF!!! He went on and on and shouted and broke things, my hands were shaking, I tried to stay calm, if I didn't stay calm I would've punched the monster in his face! He drove me to the sheer brink of madness where I found myself slapping my face, hitting my head and finally biting myself.
I had to feel pain or else I would've inflicted it...
Oh dear God!!!!!!! I'm ashamed, I'm embarrassed, this is NOT me!!!!
Who have I become, where do I go...........
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