Aaaaaargh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm upset, I'm angry. I want to get in my car and drive, drive until there is no more road to drive. Drive to the edge!
Everything is killing me, tears welling, I have nobody to talk to, nobody who will understand. I really am a lonely drifter.
This is NOT the way my life is meant to be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need change, interest, to feel alive. I'm dead inside.

I just can't handle anything anymore.

Just let me be me...

I can't be myself with you anymore. You killed the communication, things were going so well but it was too good to be true, a zebra can't change its stripes....
I have realized out of all of this nothing is about me, I am nobody. This is not what I wanted for my final choice at this stage of my life.
Two nights of verbal abuse, anger rising from deep down, gazing in longing at the place next door I called home...
My cave where I could escape from the cruel world, the place next door...
This place, this house, the fights, the selfishness, me killing myself over a place I hate, a place I've been before, a place of hurt and anger...
Oh G_d, someone, anyone, I wish I didn't feel so low, I wish I felt amazing, yet I am wilting daily, consumed with such sadness...

I'm alone tonight, I can breathe awhile, sleep in peace, be me for that time, freedom!
Until you return and the wheel goes round with me spinning in it....

Why can't you see........

Fists of Fury!

Anger! I am consumed with so much anger caused by hurt! How dare you sit there and shout at me and make it all seem like I am the one at fault!
You do fuckall to help me and NO I won't ask for you help, if you don't have the courtesy to offer it, then screw you!
YOU let me down AGAIN and that it isn't the first time but after this weekend it will be the last time that you ever let me down again!!!

I'm done.

I really tried my utmost, put my heart into it but I have become a glorified maid and home maker. I have never in my life been with someone so selfish, so self absorbed, I'm done.
The scary part is starting over again on my own, finding affordable accommodation for my kids and I, giving up so much again, learning to survive on nothing.
Reality I've been alone in this from the start, having to compete with your porn, chat sites, your friends, your car things, I've been placed lower than last.
You're unreliable, a liar, a fake. You have no morals and no pride in loved ones or your home.
You lost your son, you've lost me, I hope for your sake you don't lose your daughter too...

Here's to me having to start over and suffer due to your selfishness!

Falling away from me....

Nothing is constant, there is always something new with you, something that effects us. First I had to compete with the porn, then your friends, then I had a piece of you for a very short time, I was happy then, you seemed open, talked, included me in your life, now I have to compete with the cars, the people, your friends, you've completely shut me out. I am so lonely, so lost, so hurt and so alone.
You had me, yet you tossed me aside again.
I can no longer compete with anything or anyone, I have given up, I no longer stay up at late hours with you, watching what you are up to, I no longer care.
I am just here.
The nobody.

Crawling in my skin...

I haven't been to work for two days, I'm not myself, I'm angry, I'm lost, I'm beyond irritation. I couldn't handle going to work knowing I couldn't save some of the dogs with the fate they are faced with, I didn't want that to be my decision again, it's killing me, I don't know how much longer I can handle the decisions and emotions I am faced with at work... My heart aches for all the animals, it's taking its toll on me emotionally and I don't know how to deal with it, I have nobody to talk to, I can't open up to you, that door is shut closed, you closed it.

Your world belongs only to you, it pisses me off. Married to your iPad and bb, I must be awful company if you have the need to chat and occupy yourself with everyone but me. I am so alone, it hurts, I don't want to be around anyone, I want to stay isolated and die in my own misery. I miss my mom so much, it feels like she is calling me from the grave, my brother is depressed too,Mathis woman will be the death of him.
Is it our destiny to go the way in which my mom went, suicide?

Does happiness even exist, I wonder if I will ever know before its too late.

Mona Lisa...

I am cold, tired and highly irritated, besides the start of PMS, I am just plain aggro and I have every right to be. Another week of kids, we even included your daughter but alas that has been a stuff up. I sit here dozing off due to the events of last night, yet again I am drained and I wonder why do I try so hard to keep everyone happy yet everyone is knocking nails into my coffin...
If your ex wife can't take control of her life I don't want to know about it anymore, you would drop at a hat to go help her if needed but when I've asked you to help me I end up sorting it our myself.
Well I'm a big girl and have learnt to do a lot myself. There is a reason an ex is an ex, she needs to stop relying on you to save her!
I understand that she needs her wash machine to wash your daughter's clothes too but she could get a technician to sort it, always the easy way out and as per usual you are so willing to help her or anyone else that needs your help except me!!!
Who the fuck am I??? Oh yes, I forgot, I can do it all myself, I run a household, a full time job, at times 3 kids, I spend more time with your daughter than you do!

Fuck, I'm in a foul mood, I know the weather is just as drone as I am today, but I have exceeded my happy limit for now.

All I can say is open your eyes!!!!