The way to a woman's heart is NOT through her stomach!.

Its been awhile... Guess I'm here again because my mind is over-flowing... Too many thughts... Feel like I'm walking a tight rope that will snap at any given minute, it's the not knowing or the last minute results of things changing, they change all the time... I am so unaware, unaware because I don't need to know, I don't count... I have no opinions... I am an empty vessell that just has to go with the flow.... WRONG!!!!!! I do fucken count, I do have opinions, I do have dreams BUT.....
I am NOBODY and nobody is NEVER EVER HEARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am angry, I am hurt, I have feelings, I am NOBODY.................

I am sad..........

Sad songs they say....

Last night I lay in bed reading my previous blogs, only the first one had some sense of joy in it...
Have I been this unhappy these last few months... I know the reason, I feel the sadness...
I walk with my head hung low, I have forgotten how to lift it up high, how sad... There is no sypmathy for what I am going through, a longing, a very lost heart...

Only you can change it, but you are too busy to see...

Do I patiently wait in the wings for the curtain to drop, will I still be here... I'm so confused, so hurt, so alone. I want to feel alive again, I miss that feeling...

I wish I knew where I stood with you... Seems this is a lonely journey for me, so much going round up there in the planet in my head...

Only you can change it, but you are too busy to see...

So Alone....

It's not the weather.... It's me, me, me... Fuuuuuuuck, what is wrong with me, or is it everyone else... It must be me!
I just want to go home and curl up into a little ball and cry, cry, cry....
Not that the tears help much but the damn emotions needs to get out. This silence inside me is killing me.
You are too distracted to even acknowledge my mere existence, everyone else is way more important yet I am your 'everything'???!!!!
If this is how you treat your everything then I don't know because your everything does not exist to you!
Do you know how many tears I have shed due to your lack of interest in your 'everything'???

I really can't deal with this, I just want to be happy.
Every man that has been or is in my life seem hell bent on destroying me.

All I want is to feel loved, is that too much to ask????

I AM SO SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Empty

Today I feel so empty, trying to compose myself is so difficult. I would prefer to be home, in my bed, crying my heart out, my heart which I thought would never tick again but unfortunately it does... If only it would stop, put to total silence...
Its been a build up of emotions, I finally let them out, the consequences are that of total silence, heartache...
Have to stop the tears, just want this day to pass, want this week to pass, need to be alone, always alone...

There is no place for love, not in this day and age, you are too pre-occupied by your hobbies, your friends, there is no place for me, yet you say I make you happy, yes, you are happy as you fit me into your space as you feel fit...

I used to believe in romance but that too does not exist... You don't see the hurt, the pain that you cause me as nothing is about me, nothing ever was...

I am nothing, I am nobody, I am empty... :-(

Complicated...

This thing called life and love is so complicated, it doesn't have to be but it is... I finally thought I found the one yet it hurts so much to feel so shut out. Things move so quickly these days, heading into the 3rd month and I still can't figure you out, I still don't know who you are...
I opened my broken heart to you, thought you could mend it, it shatters more daily, I don't like feeling, emotions, I'd rather be dead inside...

The inbetween...

This is my first post of many... I hope...

Interruptions at work makes it a bit difficult to offlaod my thoughts, thoughts are spaced out and running on such a high adrenalin that I tend to forget at times what I was thinking.
Ok, so I am new to this but I am hoping to get my thoughts out my head and on this space, whether someone reads it or not, does not phase me at all, I have learnt that I am not one of the chosen ones to be famous which suits me fine as I am monophobiac (I googled it) I may have other 'people' phobia's...
Anyway, time for coffee, then a smoke, Sen and I have to go to the city to get the post and shopping done for work, I want to find a pair of 'skinny' jeans, a trend I said I would never follow but anyway, I have some cool boots and they would look better with those skinny jeans instead of being hidden under my flared jeans...

Sweets just called me, girl's sleepover tonight, can't wait to see the surprised look on my Angel's face tonight.... he he he

On that note, I must get a move on, check in again later....